


Curiosity and the Cat

by meowloudly15



Series: The Etaverse [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Gen, Self-Harm, Suicidal Ideation, exploitation of adult fear? I guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21537490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meowloudly15/pseuds/meowloudly15
Summary: Death is not something which a young girl should actively pursue.
Relationships: Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Series: The Etaverse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1561174
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	Curiosity and the Cat

Death was always one of Rose Lalonde’s many interests. When she was four years old, her cat Jaspers turned up dead on the bank of a stream. Instead of mourning his passing, like most girls would, she found herself fascinated by how some animating force had left his body and rendered him lifeless. Instead of loving princesses, like most girls would, she loved the  eldritch abominations rumoured to haunt the furthest corners of the universe which could kill with nary a look. She was always intrigued by mystery, and death was the greatest one of which she knew.

But death is not something which a young girl should actively pursue.

Rose came to the conclusion that death’s secrets could only be unraveled by the dead. She was eight years old when she unscrewed the plastic panel of a wall outlet, severed the wires within with a pair of safety scissors, and grabbed the bare ends.

She was in the hospital for two days and in therapy for two months.

Rose did not fear death. Like any good scientist, she had no fear of the unknown, only a burgeoning curiosity. Unfortunately, curiosity is said to have killed the cat.

Rose was vaguely aware that what she had done had an adverse effect on her mother. She was also vaguely aware that when she was eight, her mother’s drinking problem took a turn for the worse. And when her maternal relationship took a turn for the passive-aggressive, she exploited what she knew.

Being so interested in psychotherapy, Rose knew that her behaviour was often self-destructive, but she never saw it as a detriment to herself. In fact, it was probably the one thing that kept her going during the harrowing rain of meteors and loss of power that defined her entrance to Sburb. She did not fear death.

Nor did she fear pain. She was numb to its physical possibility, as its psychological expression seemed to her far more potent. The worst thing that could happen to your body was just death. The worst thing that could happen to your mind would leave you begging for the sweet release of death. That was something which Rose learned from reading about the horrorterrors.

Physical pain fascinated her, too, more because of the psychological pain it could cause. It did, however, lead her to realise exactly how screwed up her mind was.

Kanaya had only been dating her for a few weeks when she chanced upon Rose, dead asleep and disheveled, with a wicked mark up her side that looked nothing like the grubscars natural to trolls. When Rose woke up, she questioned her about it, what it was, did all humans have such marks, so on and so forth.

Rose was unnaturally quiet, but it was unclear if her reticence was caused by the hangover or by the subject matter. Her eyes were haunted and dull. Kanaya knew better than to continue the one-sided conversation, so she sat still while Rose fixed the hem of her shirt and threw the bottle in the trash.

Finally, she simply said, “It’s one of the mistakes I’m trying to forget.”

She provided no clarification.

Kanaya remembered a sobering book that she had once read, and she made a silent promise to never turn her back on the girl she loved when she needed it most.

They kept the secret between them, a shared shackle around their legs that helped keep them together but which simultaneously weighed them down. They never discussed it until over a year later.

Earth C hadn’t ceased to be a novelty for them, but even an idyllic place like it wasn’t immune from pain. Kanaya’s fingers happened to trace along an old line one evening. Rose’s eyes suddenly filled with fear, then regret.

They talked for a long time. Rose told Kanaya everything, about the electrical socket, about Jaspers, about a doomed mission aboard a moon, about how going grimdark changed nothing about her personality, about curiosity and exploration and the sudden realisation that she had some of the issues she wanted to discover and resolve in others.

No tears were shed. Kanaya was in too much shock to cry. Rose didn’t know how.

Rose never knew how. Not even when she was a baby. Not even when she discovered the body of her dear pet cat. Not even when her mom was murdered in cold blood. Not even when Kanaya rolled up the sleeves of her shirt for the first time and showed her thirty-three old incisions, one for each of her biggest regrets plus half a dozen more.

Kanaya remembered a sobering yet fascinating book that she had once read, in which a young girl hurt herself to heal herself.

It was her turn to talk. So she told Rose everything, about the book, about her struggles to fit in, about how nothing she did would ever quite be good enough, about her own hidden addiction powered by innate bloodlust.

Rose wanted to cry, but she couldn’t even force herself to do so.

They made each other a promise that night, to never let each other grow too intrigued by morbidity again. And also to get professional help, because God knew they needed it.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a little headcanon I have about Rose and Kanaya and what makes their relationship so strong.


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